Silent Rant

Actually, it’s adios to all of Mexico for now. Last night we landed back in the USA. It was a little sad to leave without knowing when or if we’ll be back again. So, to help me look optimistically forward to 4 months of winter in Utah and Chicago, here’s a quick list of things I will miss least about our adventure:

• using bottled water for drinking and brushing my teeth
• not being able to put toilet paper in the toilet
• humidity
• incredibly loud fireworks starting at 4 am every morning, which we had for both the first 2 weeks and last 10 days of our trip
• intermittent, unreliable, slow internet connections
• no nurseries at church
• paying for everything with cash, often needing almost exact change
• ATM fees at highway robbery rates, but with a $300 limit
• dust and dirt. on everything. everywhere. all the time. My laptops will probably never forgive me

This morning I slept until 8:45. Keep in mind that I usually wake up at 4 am. So to put some perspective on it, add about 5 hours to your usual wake-up time.

And with that, I’m ready to dive into the next phase of my professional life as well. I just finished a contract that I’ve been working on for the past several months. From now until mid-March I’m not going to be taking on any more paid work, and will instead devote all the time I can to my own projects. Wish me luck!

I’ve tried wakeboarding, wind-surfing, and water-skiing, but have never attempted traditional surfing. After a few days of lessons and aches, here are my initial observations:

1. The ocean is no joke. Big waves look fun from the beach. They hurt you and scare you when you’re being tumbled by them
2. Forget what you see on TV and in video games; surfing is not about 3 minute rides on 20-foot tubes.
3. Paddle, paddle, paddle. Surfing requires so much swimming. I knew this beforehand, but I didn’t realize how weak and out of shape I am. My instructor was paddling behind me and pushing me so that I could catch a couple waves.
4. As with so many sports, timing is everything. Paddling a little too slowly or jumping up too quickly can mean spending time in a sandy washing machine.

Here I am practicing my timing on a tiny little wave:

I’ve got one more lesson before we leave Mexico. Given my lack of proximity to waves, it will likely be a long time before you see me on a longboard again.

Usually when you spend a week somewhere new, it goes by fast. But Bucerias was a blink. Now we’re in our final Mexican destination.

Generally speaking, Sayulita is just a little too cool for it’s own good. Too many Gringos. But not just your standard tourist variety- no, these are folks (admittedly much like us) that are here because it’s “off the beaten path” and has “real” Mexican culture. And I suppose compared to Puerto Vallarta, it fits the bill. But as Ed (an expat surfer living in Bucerias) mentions – it’s far from an authentic Mexican fishing village.*

What I hoped for was a Lo De Marcos with waves to surf on. Rather, it seems that a bunch of old hippies got together with the kids from the O.C., and then they swung by and grabbed a few folks off the tennis courts in Aspen on their way down here.

So you get certain elements of authentic pacific Mexico living: dirt roads, lotsa bugs in your house, a toilet that doesn’t accept toilet paper, and a 10 minute walk to the nearest laundromat.

But you also get some wonderful Gringo influences: vendors approach you on the beach every 30-60 seconds (no exaggeration), the internet cafe charges you $3 an hour, and the surf break is a bit too crowded for a timid newbie who wants to try his hand at longboard sliding. Conversations at the juice bar center around real estate investments, broken by the occasional “gracias señor” – proudly spoken to the waiter in the worst accent you can imagine. I’m just waiting for somebody to order fajitas with emphasis on the English j.

At least down in Nuevo Vallarta you can enjoy a forgettable lunch buffet at the mega resort and then go hide out in your air conditioned luxury condo and watch English television over satellite, before you head over to Walmart and Sam’s Club. It’s touristy and proud of it.

Yes, you might say Sayulita is the worst of both worlds.

But that would be the pessimistic view. And if you don’t know me, you might not realize that I’m a hopeless optimist (despite a façade of cynicism.)

So let’s take a look at the other side:

• Prices may be higher for many things, but I can still get a mahi-mahi burrito, mango-striped flan, and a gigantic horchata for $7, and I don’t have to wonder if it’ll make me sick.
• I can practice my Spanglish when I want, but am able to speak English to almost anybody when I just need to get something done.
• There are actually waves hitting the beach, crowded though they may be. We don’t have those in Chicago, nor Utah.
• A beach full of O.C. cast doubles isn’t all that bad.
• The maid stopped by yesterday to show me how to crack into the coconuts (which fall in our backyard) with a machete. I feel so Tom Hanks.
• After six months of unsuccessfully attempting to teach Zoe what sound the rooster makes, she now has it down pat because we’re surrounded by them.
• There are also plenty of natives in Sayulita- real, authentic Mexicans that have grown up here. They are as warm and friendly as the natives in the other towns we’ve visited, and I love using my broken Spanglish to try and get to know them.

Two weeks from today we’ll be crossing the border, back under the umbrella of homeland security. I’ve got a long list of activities I want to do between now and then, but most of them will have to wait until next week when a major work deadline gets behind me. Until then, image the worst English accent you possibly can echoing “hasta luego…”

* For some reason, every small coastal town in Mexico is referred to as a “fishing village” in Gringo literature- I guess it really paints a quaint picture or something. But trust me: none of these towns- not even Lo De Marcos- put fishing anywhere near center of their economy or lifestyle. Maybe 100 years ago? ::shrugs::

Note to self: next time bring two laptops.

My battery was getting low. Time to plug in. I reached for the nearest outlet in the internet cafe and connected the lifeline to my little MacBook. But the reassuring green light didn’t glow. Strange. I tried another outlet. Then another. Panic. I went home and tried every outlet back in our bungalow. Still nothing. By now my computer was dead.

And that meant my ability to make phone calls was dead. We had been in the tiny village of Lo De Marcos for less than a day, and I was in a serious pickle.

Several expensive spanglish pay-phone calls later, I had narrowed it down to waiting for a replacement power adapter to be shipped from the states. Great. An unplanned 5 day stop-work order. Well, could be worse, right? I was, after all, about 100 yards from a beautiful, quiet beach. And a pleasant 5 days it was, including a fishing trip out of Rincon de Guaybitos that yielded this small but beautiful dorado:

Two days ago we arrived in Bucerias, a few hours before my power adapter showed up. But it didn’t work either. $75 for the adapater, $50 for shipping, and another $32 for customs. And the power adapter wasn’t the problem.

So yesterday I went to the Office Max in Puerto Vallarta. 4 hours and 47 phone calls to my credit card company later, I emerged with a “new” MacBook. It was the last unit they had: a six-month old floor display unit, and it cost me $400 more than one of the brand new models, which would be new in the box, complete with updated software. I did my best to convince them I deserved a discount on their discontinued, used, dirty little machine. But they knew they had me. You can only walk away when you can walk away. I pride myself on always getting the most for my money, but I guess sometimes you gotta live with getting a bad deal.

Anyway, now it’s catch-up time…

Happy Thanksgiving!

These past two days I gave the mountains a break and headed off down the road. One of these trips lead me to a cactus farm in Jocotepec. It was incredible. One of the workers there said they had over 800 species of cactus and other succulents.

This is just one of many greenhouses:

This one was by far my favorite, looking like some overgrown asparagus shooting from gigantic yucca-ish leaves:

I was sad to part with the trusty bike last night, but not the $38 it cost me to rent for a week.

Yesterday I returned to the little chapel. All I had was my cell phone, so forgive the terrible exposure on the photos.

It was also quite hazy, so the vista overlooking the town isn’t what it was the first time.

My wife will be happy to know that I was much more confident and daring as I rode down this time.

Remember this photo? Okay, look closely at the mountainside.

See that little house thing? It’s actually a tiny chapel.

Well after 3 days of discussion I convinced the owner of the local bike shop to let me rent a bike for a week. It actually didn’t take much convincing, but rather it was 3 days of waiting for him to find a suitable bike, which took several attempts. He looked at me like I was crazy when I disclosed my intentions. I assured him:

Nacî en las montañas

(I was born in the mountains).

The trail was a bit too steep and tight to ride up, so I mostly pushed. I passed only one other person; a elderly gringo who was hiking back down. He paused for a moment and asked:

Why the hell are you pushing that thing up here?

Because I intend to ride it back down.

How old are you?

Thirty!

I proclaimed, proud of my recently-acquired decade.

Ah, so you’re still immortal.

And with that he headed down the trail, and I continued to the chapel. Looking down at the town from up there surprised me a bit. The whole area is quite developed and modern. Or at least it looked that way. So now I can’t decide which perspective is the illusion.

Riding down was, as always, about 27 times faster than the journey up, although I was much more careful than I usually am. Somehow the thought of ending up incapacitated on a hillside in rural Mexico with no mobile phone and infrequent passers by had me gripping the brakes pretty tightly…

Bless you Apple, for having a U.S. English keyboard in the middle of Mexico. However, I will miss my arm and leg.

It’s 5:48 am, and the church bells here in Ajijic seem to be sounding some kind of town emergency. Only there’s no emergency. They’ve been ringing like crazy for about 2 minutes. The usual cannon that fires at 5 am every morning has also been much more active this morning- firing intermittently every few minutes; 10 shots here, 2 shots there– might be 10 seconds until the next one, or maybe 5 minutes. Fellow holders of psychology degrees will recognize this variable ratio schedule as one of the most effective for behavior modification.

I’m not sure if they’re just getting ready for the upcoming Dia de los Muertos, or if this is the standard course of events for the last day of the month. The most likely explanation is they’re commemorating some historic religious event. Whatever the case, I think it’s making me insane- and I’m awake sitting here at my computer! Poor Chelsey is still trying to sleep…

But it won’t end there. All day long cars slowly patrol the street playing short jingles and announcements over distorted speaker systems to let you know you can buy gas, donate scrap metal, or remember to attend some upcoming event.

While the church bells (if rung less frequently) are a nice touch of quaintness, I’m surprised by an overall noise level that seems a mismatch to an otherwise quiet, slow-paced colonial setting.

:: 10 minutes later ::

HA! I went up to the rooftop hoping for some enlightenment, but feared that the party was over. Lucky for you, faithful reader, it has only just begun…

[flv:http://vids.guapovideo.com/crazymexicans.flv 200 150]

I finally found a description of the cause for all this celebration:

Every morning in October skyrockets awaken neighborhoods in Ajijic to join in pre-dawn processions to “Las Mañanitas” services of music and prayer. On October 31 a large evening procession will travel through the village streets and back to the church for 7 pm Mass in the church courtyard. That procession usually features floats, bands and troupes of dancers in colorful costumes.

(via Mexico Insights)

If you know me, you know that not much time goes by before I’m talking about food in some form or another. So I think it’s only fitting to devote an entry to new foods I have during our time south of the border, which I’ll update along the way.*

Tortitas de Arroz

Little rice cakes with tomato sauce.

Pitalla

Less flavorful than it’s cousin the prickly pear (which I’ve been eating every day, but perhaps that’s due to the fact we’ve had it frozen because it’s not in season.

Elote

Roasted corn on the cob, smothered with lime, chile, and salt. so good.

Tejuino

A drink made from corn, lemon, chile, and ice. The stuff I had was a bit too salty, but there are several variations from what I understand.

Fresh Guayaba

Or guava in English. I’ve probably had this a hundred times in the form of tropical drinks, no doubt usually artificially flavored- but never peeled and eaten fresh.

Sopes

Just when I thought I had tried every possible combination of the basic Mexican ingredients, I discovered Sopes. These ones come from the street-side stand of our housekeeper, who sets up shop outside her home on Saturdays and Mondays.

Fresh Garbanzo Beans

I always thought garbanzo beans (aka chick peas) grew in a can. Who knew you could cook them from their fresh-in-the-pod state and they’d be so tasty? They’re the Mexican answer to edamame!

Red Bananas

These and some other small bananas. They taste pretty similar to “normal” bananas, but are just different enough to make them a pleasant change.

And more…

• Chilaquiles
• Tamarind and chile flavored candy
• Coconut yogurt
• Sliced jicama with fresh lime juice and chili powder
• Tacos with beef made from the head of the cow

Bonus: How to eat a pomegranate.

My friend Jake Lipman showed me the coolest way to get seeds out of a pomegranate. Here’s what you’ll end up with:

Check out the video for details!

* If you use an RSS reader then you’ll see this entry show up as “new” whenever I add to it. If you’re not using RSS, then you’d have to check back here from time to time. And you’re way too busy for that kind of thing. So do yourself a favor and start using RSS.

Zoe and I hung out on the roof this morning to watch to full moon go down behind the mountains. I forgot how quickly it moves when you stop to watch it.

Church bells were ringing, the cannon had fired, and roosters everywhere were calling out. But the village of Ajijic was still sleeping.

I’ve moved here for the next few months.

Working outside the sheltering prison of “the man” has some drawbacks. Living in Mexico also has some drawbacks (some of which we’ve discovered after being here for only a day). But this morning while standing atop the roof of an Ajijic home, my only thought was I’m not using any vacation days for this…

I’m back on the wagon! I’m back to being excited about going to Mexico for two months! Wooohooo! I’m not going to be living in a shack without any modern conveniences in the middle of a forest full of scorpions and people who want to kidnap my child. I’m going to be just fine. I’m going to have fun. I’m going to get a tan! (Anyone who has seen my legs lately probably can’t see anymore – they are white!)

I am a bit crazy right now. We leave on Wednesday, but it feels like we’ve been getting ready for this trip all summer. A month ago a I made a list of everything that I still needed to do before we leave, and I divided it in to four more lists: to do asap, two weeks before, one week before and week of. It seems like each list just grew and grew. Now I’m finishing up the one week before list only missing a couple of things from the past weeks. It’s been hard though. I’ve reverted back to my college days when I could find a dozen other things to do before I would start studying for finals. I’ve been doing that all week. I think part of me is in denial. It’s not every day you pack up and move/travel for three months with a 18 month old. At least not something we do every day, or ever before.

Going on an adventure like this with a child takes a lot of planning. If it were just me and Jed, I’d probably buy a new swimsuit, get a pedicure and manicure, throw our stuff in a suitcase and hop on the plane. You don’t take things like a thermometer, stain remover, coloring books, diapers and wipes, special blankets, Elmo, and everything else a child requires, when it’s just you and your husband. But I’m so excited for Zoe. She is going to have so much fun making new friends, playing on the beach in the sand and the ocean, etc. How fun will it be for her to look back at pictures from this trip and say that she lived in Mexico for two months when she was a year and half old?

So I’m excited. And if I can just get everything I still need to do done before we go, I’ll turn back into a sane person and start sleeping at night. Whew…

Obviously I am at the mercy of the media, heresay, etc. on this issue, but I still think I can use some of the information I’ve read and be cautious. So here’s what I found out about kidnappings in Mexico…

There are three main types:

1. Parental kidnapping
2. “Express” kidnapping
3. Kidnapping for ransom

Parental kidnapping needs no explanation, and is certainly not a concern for us. Express kidnapping is when you are kidnapped while you are at an ATM or, more likely, when you get into a cab. You are then forced to “drain” your bank account(s) from various ATMs. From what I read, the best way to be returned safely is to comply right away. To avoid express kidnapping you should be cautious when using an ATM, just like in the states, and not get into unmarked cabs. Also, teenagers shouldn’t take a cab by themselves. Express kidnapping is becoming increasingly more common.

You’d think that ransom kidnapping would be most common amongst the very wealthy or prominent people, however, in the last few years they are seeing more and more amongst the poor and middle class. Perhaps small time criminals are copying more organized criminals. Ransom kidnapping has the highest death rate. If you refuse to pay ransom, or even if you do, the kidnapper are more likely to torture or kill the victim. I read it’s not uncommon to have body part(s) removed and sent to the victims family as proof that they do have your family member, especially if there are problems negotiating the ransom. Sounds pretty extreme to me, but who knows?

Here are a few random bits of info that I read:

- Most kidnappings are not reported. One site it said that 90% aren’t reported. Other sites said around 60-80%. The reason is because the police aren’t very good (poorly trained, staffed and paid). I guess a lot of people think the police are apathetic and uninterested in kidnappings and can actually hinder a kidnapping rescue or may be involved in the kidnapping.

- The cities on the US and Mexican border are especially violent.

- Kidnappers aren’t usually caught.

- I guess you can buy kidnapping insurance, but there is some speculation about the insurance companies being in cahoots with the kidnappers.

- The wealthy often have body guards, but some people are wary about having the same problem with body guards as with the insurance companies. Who really knows how much either one really happens.

- Young adult/ teenagers and adults are the primary targets for kidnapping.

- Children seem to be safer unless they belong to a very rich family. One site even said, “children are 10 times safer in Mexico than in the US”. Interesting.

-You should try not to flaunt your wealth in public, and never disclose any personal monetary value or possession(s) information to anyone.

Clearly money is the root of most kidnapping. It’s saddening how greedy, detached and heartless people can get because of money. Personally, I’d rather deal with a scorpion than a kidnapper any day.

I found this:

http://www.home-sweet-mexico.com/safety-kidnapping.html

I am speechless.

Scorpions are just nasty. But the biggest reason I’m so freaked out about them is because I’ve read and heard that their sting is similar to a bee sting. My mom and sister are so allergic to bee stings that they carry a shot around with them at all times just in case they get stung. If they get stung they have to give themselves the shot and then go straight to the hospital. If they don’t get the shot within a few minutes of being stung, their respiratory system starts to shut down.

I know I don’t have the same allergic reaction to bee stings. At least I didn’t twenty years ago when I got stung by one. But I have no idea what Zoe’s reaction would be since she’s never been stung. If Zoe does happen to have the same allergy, and gets stung by a lethally venomous scorpion, it could be a serious problem. Especially because of her age, and especially if I didn’t find out about it right away. She not really that great at communicating things like, “I just got stung by a scorpion on my foot. It hurts and I’m having trouble breathing.” Needless-to-say, I’m a bit concerned.

So after a little research and trying unsuccessfully to keep an onslaught of possible (or maybe not really that possible) scorpion encounters from playing out in my head, I’ve decided that this is my game plan…

1. Nothing will be left out or on the floor without being is a Ziplock bag. Shoes, toys, clothes, toiletries…everything with be sealed. Especially at night.

2. Nothing will be placed directly next to a wall if I can help it.

3. If I can’t see into or behind something, no part of me is going inside of it. Same with Zoe. I’m taking a flashlight.

4. Nobody picks up anything (rocks, wood, etc.) outdoors. And, of course, Zoe won’t be going anywhere or doing anything unsupervised.

5. I’m not standing under any trees.

6. No playing outside at night.

7. Suitcases will remain closed at all times.

8. I was worried about Zoe at night and during naps, but I found this pack and play netting on amazon.com. “It is the ideal way to keep unwanted visitors out of the Pack and Play.”

I’LL TAKE IT!!!

8. I’m going to get some slippers for Zoe to walk around the house in. You can bet your life that I won’t be walking barefooted anywhere! And I’m certainly not putting anything on until it’s been shaken out.

9. Zoe and I will sleep with our pajama bottoms stuffed into our socks. Jed can do what he wants, but I’m not taking chances. Sounds lame, but you envision yourself going to sleep in a room where there might be a scorpion.

I read that scorpions come out when it rains because they don’t like getting wet. I really hope the places we’re staying have been inhabited recently enough that there won’t be any hiding in any shower drains or anything. Huh..

10. I’m taking plenty of Benadryl with us. I already talked to a pharmacist about getting stung by a scorpion. FYI for all you mothers out there, if your child get stung, give them some Children’s Benadryl (exactly 2 ml if they are Zoe’s age and weight) and then take them to the nearest medical facility asap!

11. Last, but not least, pray. I will be praying like crazy all of the time.

I’m still not sure how I’m going to sleep at night. Probably once I suffer enough sleep deprivation or if I take a muscle relaxer or something.

I will admit that I’m obsessing about this too much – I know that. I’m mostly concerned about scorpions during our stay in Ajijic. Poor Jed and Zoe. I really hope to be this cautious without traumatizing anyone else (too late for me). I’m just trying to be a good mom.

Oh, but if you have any good tips to avoid getting stung by a scorpion, or what to do if you get stung, let me know!!!

I did a little research on scorpions and here are a few things I read that I thought were particularly interesting:

- Scorpions can actually control the amount of venom they put in each sting. If you get an especially painful sting, it’s okay to take it personal.

- They are nocturnal.

- They belong to the Arachnid family.

- Some of the sites I looked at state that approximately 1000 deaths occur from scorpion stings in Mexico a year.

- It’s not uncommon for them to crawl into luggage and accidentally get transported with you.

- Reactions to a sting range from severe local skin irritation to neurologic, respiratory, and cardiovascular problems…nothing major.

- The most common kind of scorpion in Mexico are Centruroides, which can be lethal without medical treatment.

- Less than 1% of stings from Centruroides are lethal to adults; however, 25% of children younger than 5 years who are stung die if not treated (emedicine.com)

- emedicine.com also said this: “No racial predilection exists. Any differences in individual reactions to the scorpion sting are a reflection of that individual’s genetic composition rather than race.” Good to know that I’m not going die because I’m a minority.

- Scorpions aren’t aggressive and aren’t overly-active hunters, but wait for their prey.

- Everything, of course. varies with species, so unless you’re an expert, you can’t ever really be sure what you are dealing with.

- Small scorpions are more venomous than big ones.

- Being stung interveniously causes symptoms only 4-7 minutes after the injection, with a peak tissue concentration in 30 minutes and an overall toxin elimination half-life of 4.2-13.4 hours through the urine (emedicine.com).

I’m sure the chances of one of us getting injured on the way to the airport are a lot higher than getting stung by a scorpion, but still, irrational fears are still fears. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep at night.

Although, after reading this blog post by a women who retired to Mexico, I feel a little bit better. It’s comforting to know that if I want to kill a scorpion it will “hunker” instead of making me chase it around or charging at me. And apparently scorpions sashay. I like that.

My next post will be about how I plan on functioning well enough while residing with these nasty little things to actually enjoy my stay in Mexico.

I just finished an almost two hour conversation on the phone with a women, named Kim, who I have never met before, but I now love to death and am very impressed with. Kim and her family, Mormons from Utah, moved to Ajijic, Mexico (where we’ll be staying for three weeks of our trip) for two years. She even had a baby there. (Here’s her Mexico blog if you are interested.) Anyhow, reality has really set it, and I’m suddenly very nervous about living in Mexico for two months.

Kim and I had a great conversation. Kim answered a long list of questions I had and gave me some great advice. She gave me so much great information and I feel like I know so many things about staying in the Ajijic area that are really going to help make our trip go more smoothly. She also struck fear into me, in a big way. Here’s how:

Kim: “Oh, you know what you should do? Take a boat out to Scorpion Island!”

Me: “Okay.”

Two minutes later my brain started working.

Me: “Okay, wait. Are there actually scorpions on Scorpion Island?”

Kim: “Oh, yeah! They’re all over!”

Suddenly Scorpion Island doesn’t sound like my kind of experience. In fact, neither does Mexico. Especially after she told me that when they lived in the mountainous part of the area they would find an average of 3 a day!!! HOLY CRAP!!! That was when it took some serious effort to continue breathing. Oh, and they only found about three the entire time they lived in the village, “but they were huge!” Umm, seeing three large scorpions in open space, in my house would probably screw me up for life! But, good thing I got a the insider tip: take some antihistamine in case you get stung. Um, yes, I will be buying several bottles tomorrow.

(Kind of makes you want to throw up, doesn’t it?!)

Still, I cannot get over it. There are scorpions in Ajijic. Not just in Ajijic, but in the houses in Ajijic. I guess I feel a little better knowing about this in advance. I’m sure that if I’d come across a scorpion without being aware of the possibility, I’d probably either have a heart failure and die on the spot, or hop on the next plane back to the states. In my head I can see sweet little Zoe trying to pick one up! oh, dear…

As you can tell, I hate scorpions. I think they are a useless. I’m going to have to do some research on them – I will be prepared.