Silent Rant

Today is my birthday. Events from this weekend (a traumatic visit to the ER, Zoe, Jed and Lucy all having the stomach flu, no sleep, etc) had me coming into it with low expectations. This morning we decided to go out for breakfast. After we finished our meal and asked for our check the waiter said our meal had already been paid for. We sat there a little confused and told the waiter there must be a misunderstanding. The waiter then explained to us that people from another table had paid for our meal, and he gave us this:

Wow! If that doesn’t put you in the holiday spirit, what does? Feeling inspired, we picked someone else in the restaurant and paid for their meal. I wonder if they were inspired and paid for someone else’s meal, too!

The whole experience made my day!

My hope for this holiday season – that everyone who reads this post does an anonymous act of kindness for someone else this month. Pay for someone else’s meal next time you are at a restaurant, the drive-through, or even Starbucks. Or do something else that will lift someone else’s spirits! Please leave a comment about your experience and, hopefully, in a few weeks this post will have a bunch of great stories of  spreading Christmas cheer!

Yes, it’s been four weeks since she was born – I’ve resurfaced and feel human again.

Let me start by saying that she’s beautiful!!! I was completely unprepared for the rush of emotions and the familiar ache that comes when a new helpless little person enters your heart and your life. I remember feeling overwhelmed by it when I had Zoe, and it was just as powerful this time. Having a baby is so incredible. Lucy and Zoe are absolutely worth everything I endured to get them here. But I’m so glad they are already here!

Lucy’s birth stats:

September 16, 2008 at 7:54 pm
5 lbs 13 oz, 19 inches

She’s so tiny, but she’s healthy! I feel so much better about having to boot her out three weeks early. In fact, she’s healthier than Zoe was. She only had one hiccup with breathing and that was when she choked on some amniotic fluid still stuck in her tummy the day after she was born. She turned blue and then purple, and scared me to death! The nurse helped us get her breathing again. I cried the rest of the night, but she was fine. We also had to take her to ER a few Saturdays ago to double check her bilirubin level, but it came back fine. As of last Monday she passed up her birth weight and was a whopping 6 lbs and 3 oz. In just the last week we’ve noticed her little skin rolls are filling out – she’s going to be chubby in no time! I love plump babies!

(During her first bath in the nursery at the hospital.)

Thank you for all of the emails, texts, phone calls and packages that still keep arriving in the mail. It means a lot to all of us to have so many great friends and family thinking of us. A big thank you to everyone who has prayed and fasted for us over the last 8 months. Babies are miracles, and me actually getting mine here is a miracle, too. I’m certain I’ve met my miracle quota.

Zoe and Lucy’s first meeting was a bit uneventful until after they both took their naps. Jed posted some video footage of it on Flickr and a follow-up to it on his blog.

…

For anyone who’s interested, here is my L&D story. I typed it up so that I could remember it, but thought I’d include it anyway….

Needless to say, the amnio results were positive and I was induced the next day! I had an epidural during my labor with Zoe and it was so strong that I sat around reading magazines while Jed ate sushi until it was time to push. This time it was completely different.

It took a nurse, a nurse anaesthetician and then the anaesthesiologist to get the IV started (which would make my homecare nurses feel better about their failed attempts). It actually wasn’t that bad because they gave me me a shot of litocaine before each stick so when the veins blew it wasn’t very painful, just ugly. Although it was a lot of shots. I was already having big contractions a few minutes apart when I got to the hospital and the pitocin made them more intense, so it got really painful pretty fast. Unfortunately, I had to wait forever during contractions that were peaking on the machine and two minutes apart to get my epidural because the anaesthesiologist was tied up in some insanely long c-section. Big thanks to the dead fly in the light on ceiling of the L&D room that helped me keep my focus during the contractions. It stopped me from screaming like a lunatic. I now understand why laboring women get loud.

After I got my epidural (I may have actually told the anaesthesiologist that I love him), I felt great until I got dizzy and started throwing up. I guess my heart rate went down and I wasn’t breathing very well so they stopped the epidural and gave me one of those fun little nose breathing tubes. That helped with the dizziness and nausea a little, but not with the pain. Finally they let me dispense little doses of the epidural to myself. It worked off and on through the rest of labor until I didn’t give myself any and went into transition. Big, big whoops. The pain was insane. I cannot even describe it. But after pounding on the epidural button for 35 minutes it kicked in just as my doctor showed up and I started to push. I felt the delivery, just not that much pain. And I actually liked it better than my delivery with Zoe because I felt the contractions and knew when to push, and I could walk right afterward. When I had Zoe, I couldn’t walk unassisted for a day.

I left the hospital feeling great less than 48 hours after I had her. The recovery has taken a few weeks, unlike the three months it took last time. Wooohoo!

I’m not going to even bother with an update – this entire year has been insane. In fact, this year has been a nightmare for me and my family, and if I think back, I could throw up. I’m trying to avoid doing any more of that so I will likely have to review this last year somewhere down the road in a therapy session. I can sincerely say that if how I feel were terminal, I’d be suicidal.

Alas, there is a light at the of the tunnel. This coming Monday I’m scheduled to have an amnio to check the baby’s lung maturity. If it comes back positive the doctor will deliver her the next day. WOOHOO! I’ve been trying to hold out until at least 38 weeks, but I’ve reached the point where I am not capable of coping any longer. And neither is my sweet little family.

But 37 weeks is early (I was induced with Zoe at 39) and I’m concerned about the baby’s well-being. I’ve read all of the stats and discussed the potential problems with my doctor, Jed, etc.  So here my need for advice and input comes: I’ve had very little luck finding people I know who have had an amnio or opted for a 37 week induction (then again, I rarely leave my house or communicate with people). If any of you have experience that you are willing to share, please comment or send me an email.

That being said, here are some photos taken this summer to sweeten the post…

Jed, Zoe and Turner having hobo dinners in Wyoming

Jed and Zoe chilling after Jed’s surgery

Fourth of July in Utah

Jed and Zoe with Grandma Geri

Jed and my brothers in Utah

Jed and Zoe visiting Mount Rushmore

isn’t all that bad. I’ll always love the city, but living in Lakeville, MN has it’s perks. 15 minutes away from the airport, St. Paul and Minneapolis, the biggest mall in America, a zillions Super Targets, no traffic, clean parks, nice people, sweet neighbor kids selling lemonade, ETC. And we have a garage!

We don’t have most of our stuff here yet, but we’ve still settled into life. Zoe has started going to daycare (“play school”) a couple mornings a week so Jed can have some solid work time (he works at home now) and I have some extra time to rest. Play school really is like a school with a curriculum and a very structured schedule, which makes me feel a lot better about having to have her go there. Right now they are studying animals – one of Zoe’s current obsessions. She can sign and give the sound for almost any animal. She’ll wake me up in the morning by signing all the animals you see in the aquarium or on a farm. It’s really cute.

I’m still sick. (I almost threw up and passed out in Zoe’s play school classroom as I was talking to her teacher on her first day. I managed to land in a very small chair before I hit the floor. It was embarrassing.) But, I still feel like I’m making some progress. The biggest being that I’ve started exercising again. For the first time in eight years I’m back to swimming. Two or three times a week I go to the swimming school by my house and do laps for an hour. It feels so good! Amazingly, I’m never sick and never in pain when I’m swimming. I love it!

Another thing that I love about living here is that we see Jed a lot more. He’s not teaching early morning seminary and graduate classes anymore, going to a bunch of business meetings and working – he’s just working. He still gets up at 4:00am and works a ton of hours, but he’s around. And the last couple weeks have been great family bonding time. Jed is so caring. I’ve still spent most of my time in bed sick, and he always helps out around the house and with Zoe, even in spite of all of his business pressures. He’s such a great guy.

I love Mother’s Day. It’s the holiday my months of dying a slow and painful death (pregnancy) allow me to celebrate. And aside from that, I work dang hard for it! Seriously, no job, no schooling, nothing, takes more energy, discipline, effort and commitment than being a mother. And it’s painful. Loving the way being a mother makes you love, hurts – but it’s beautiful. So I love this holiday! Mothers everywhere deserve to be worshiped on this day.

Despite my current condition (that is slowly, slowly improving, by the way), I had a fabulous Mother’s Day. Jed surprised me by taking me to see Wicked (front row) last Wednesday. It really surprised me, and I didn’t think I was going to make it through the performance without throwing up on the orchestra and having to lay down in the aisle, but I did! Of course I spent the second act trying to stay awake while my anti-nausea meds tried to sedate me (which is normally the only reason why I take those drugs because anti-nausea medicines don’t take away the nausea). Anyhow, I really enjoyed the show and having a few hours out with Jed!

Mother’s Day was a pretty good day as well. As good as it gets for me these days. I got up and managed to keep my breakfast down. And then I showered. Doesn’t sound that impressive, but it really is. I haven’t showered first thing in the morning since the beginning of February. I’m usually in bed moaning or hovering over the toilet puking until about 10:00am! Progress!!! What’s even more impressive is that I managed to get dressed (something I don’t do unless I have to leave my house) and went to church! I went to church! Another first since February! And I stayed the entire time. After church we had lunch at some friends house and relaxed until the usual afternoon-evening sickness got too bad. But, I didn’t throw up all day!!!

sigh

Cheers to being a mother…to my amazing mothers…and to the loves of my life, Jed and Zoe, who made me a mother. Happy Mother’s Day!

• Zoe (emo style)

• The little tap-taps I’m starting to feel more regularly from the baby growing inside of me. Aside from getting a healthy, perfect little baby after delivery, this is the only part of pregnancy I enjoy. It’s so sweet!

• Last week Jed (I love you!) showed up from a weekend in Toronto with a bag of Lays dill pickle chips for me. A stop at Stanley’s for some watermelon and I’m in heaven!

• My travel magazine. Ahh…I’m dreaming of Belfast. Sydney, I’m coming!!!

Check out this clip the Today show did on HG. I’ve met Kimber and she’s wonderful. She’s doing a great job helping survivors and supporters, and spreading awareness. I really hope this helps a few more people understand at little bit about this disease.

I just finished an almost two hour conversation on the phone with a women, named Kim, who I have never met before, but I now love to death and am very impressed with. Kim and her family, Mormons from Utah, moved to Ajijic, Mexico (where we’ll be staying for three weeks of our trip) for two years. She even had a baby there. (Here’s her Mexico blog if you are interested.) Anyhow, reality has really set it, and I’m suddenly very nervous about living in Mexico for two months.

Kim and I had a great conversation. Kim answered a long list of questions I had and gave me some great advice. She gave me so much great information and I feel like I know so many things about staying in the Ajijic area that are really going to help make our trip go more smoothly. She also struck fear into me, in a big way. Here’s how:

Kim: “Oh, you know what you should do? Take a boat out to Scorpion Island!”

Me: “Okay.”

Two minutes later my brain started working.

Me: “Okay, wait. Are there actually scorpions on Scorpion Island?”

Kim: “Oh, yeah! They’re all over!”

Suddenly Scorpion Island doesn’t sound like my kind of experience. In fact, neither does Mexico. Especially after she told me that when they lived in the mountainous part of the area they would find an average of 3 a day!!! HOLY CRAP!!! That was when it took some serious effort to continue breathing. Oh, and they only found about three the entire time they lived in the village, “but they were huge!” Umm, seeing three large scorpions in open space, in my house would probably screw me up for life! But, good thing I got a the insider tip: take some antihistamine in case you get stung. Um, yes, I will be buying several bottles tomorrow.

(Kind of makes you want to throw up, doesn’t it?!)

Still, I cannot get over it. There are scorpions in Ajijic. Not just in Ajijic, but in the houses in Ajijic. I guess I feel a little better knowing about this in advance. I’m sure that if I’d come across a scorpion without being aware of the possibility, I’d probably either have a heart failure and die on the spot, or hop on the next plane back to the states. In my head I can see sweet little Zoe trying to pick one up! oh, dear…

As you can tell, I hate scorpions. I think they are a useless. I’m going to have to do some research on them – I will be prepared.

Most of you probably already know that in two weeks we are leaving Chicago for three months to do some traveling. We are going to San Francisco, Mexico and then to Utah. Preparing for this trip has been quite a project. Including booking flights and arranging housing, we’ve been trying to do so many other things. Life is busy for everyone, which is the way I think it should, but sometimes the craziness is overwhelming. The reality that we are going to be living in Mexico like residents for two months is finally starting to sink in and I’m getting unbelievably excited. Most of my concerns have been eased as more and more things fall into place. What ever comes out of this trip, we feel like this is what we need to be doing, and we’re very grateful to have the opportunity.

So on top of setting things up for our stay in Mexico, we’ve been getting things in place here so we can leave. We decided to try to sublet our apartment while we are gone – which we figured would a long shot. Surprisingly, we had 12 very anxious candidates the morning after we posted our apartment on craigslist. What’s even more surprising is that we were able to get $400 more rent per month that we thought we could get. The man who is renting from us is in the cast of The Phantom of the Opera, which happens to be showing almost the exact dates that we are gone. It couldn’t have worked out better!

Jed’s been working on freelance projects, his own projects and preparing for a presentation he will be giving at the IDSA conference in San Francisco in a couple of weeks. He’s been teaching a course at the Institute of Design, the school where he received his masters. He also been teaching early morning seminary. He gets up at 4 AM to work, then goes to seminary, comes home for breakfast and then heads to work for the day. He gets home somewhere between 6-9:00 PM and usually works some more before he goes to bed. Somehow in between all of that he’s managed to lose 30 pounds.

Zoe and I spent a week out in Utah this month, which was wonderful. Back here at home we usually spend our days just trying to keep ourselves entertained and out of trouble while we work on a variety of projects. One of the never ending project I’ve been working on is getting insurance, which has been an eye opening experience, and one that I hope will end soon. I’ve been doing some work for Jed and our little business ideas, setting things up for our stay in Mexico and leaving our house to a complete stranger, teaching Gospel Doctrine on Sundays, stressing just enough about everything to get a new cold sore every few days, and everything else that moms do. Wow, I just reread that sentence and I swear I’ve been doing a lot more, but I can’t even remember what! Maybe that is a good sign – or bad. Anyhow, I feel like I’ve been incredibly busy!

We all got sick last week, which slowed us down a bit. But now we’re getting better!

And I’m still so happy and relieved that we got our passports!

This Tuesday Jed heads out to Utah for a week. Hopefully Zoe and I will have a good, productive week while he’s gone! We still have so much to do before we leave!

Aren’t they beautiful!?!

I complain too much. I think a lot of people do, which I don’t usually mind unless it’s about something completely lame. I always admire the people I’m around who aren’t annoyingly optimistic, but kind and subtle, or silent, but real. I think I talk too much. I always want to be one of those people who just listens unless they have something thoughtful or witty to say. Of course people who don’t talk very much can be really awkward to be around. Anyhow, I’ve been thinking about how much I complain a lot lately and I’ve concluded that I complain for three different reasons:

1- To complain. What else do you do when the city of Chicago gives you a ticket for parking in a perfectly legal parking spot, or for not moving out of the standing lane at the airport fast enough because you are installing your child’s car seat properly. Especially when you and the city both know that it would be a complete waste of time and money (or whatever your time is worth to you) to try to contest the ticket. Complaining makes me feel better. It’s therapeutic – to a point.

2- I don’t mean to. Sometime when I’m talking something I say comes out as a complaint, but it isn’t meant to be one. Usually I’m too lazy or focused on what I want to say next to correct myself. And apparently too lazy to consider how it will sound before I say it. I think my “tone” or wording are usually what make me sound like I’m complaining.

3- Avoidance. Sounds unlikely, but it’s true. I think that sometimes I complain because I don’t want to say what I’m really thinking or feeling. Before you start considering all of the things I could really be thinking about next time I complain to you, let me give you an example of what I mean…

Let’s say we’re watching a movie that has some sort of sad or tender moment in it. To avoid bursting into to tears, I start complaining about something in the movie.

Sadly, I do this a lot with people I love or with something I feel very strongly or insecure about, which is a whole different issue for a different post, which I’ll likely never get around to posting. But, the point is, I avoid expressing emotions I feel deeply by covering them up with a complaint.

Today I read a post on a blog by a guy named Tim Ferriss and I’m taking on what he calls the 21 Day No-Complaint Experiment. I recommend that you click on the link and read his post – it’s pretty interesting. So are some of the comments made by his readers.

So when you see me without a rubber band on my wrist you will know that I’ve successfully made it 21 days without complaining, and you should probably take me out to dinner or something. BUT, before any of you start reprimanding me during a conversation, check out the guidelines mentioned by Tim in his post.

My friend Steph tagged me a while ago, and as horrifying as it is for Jed, I am going to do it:

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

Hmmm, I’ve tried to repress a lot of this, but let’s see…

1) Starting my senior year in high school
2) Dancing for hours every day
3) Student council
4) About to get my braces off
5) Got my own trading card for a reading program in the elementary schools in the city I grew up in

5 things on my to-do list today:

1) Fill out insurance applications
2) Mail a check to the owner of one of the condos we’re staying at in Mexico
3) Buy some whole milk for Zoe
4) Workout
5) Take Z to the library
…sounds like a simply riveting day, doesn’t it?

5 songs i know the lyrics to:

1) Any Sarah McLachlan, Eva Cassidy, Celine Dion, Linda Ronstadt, Lara Fabian, Hayley Westenra, Loreena Mckinnett, etc. song
2) a variety of kid songs and the actions to them, of course
3) Time Is Running Out, Muse
4) That Before He Cheats song by Carrie Underwood–I think Carrie is such a cutie! And she looks like my little sis!
5) Bouncing Off Clouds, Tori Amos

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:

1) Donate to HG research and set up some scholarships
2) If you ask me this while I am pregnant, I want a gestational surrogate
3) Take dance and voice lessons again
4) Travel!
5) Hire a hair stylist and a chef

5 things I’ll never wear again:

1) Tapered jeans
2) Fanny packs
3) Colored socks with shorts
4) Really really big, poofy, curly bangs
5) Pink hightops

5 favorite toys:

1) Computer
2) iPod
3) My car
4) Cell phone
5) Jetted tub

People to Tag…ok ok…
1) Jed (hehehe)
2) Sarah S
3) Jenny Wood
4) Brit (just email it to me)
5) Em (just email it to me)

My good friend Stephanie just posted a blog entry on “the five friends every women should have” (reference, Steph?) that I thought was pretty interesting. A quick rundown is that if we have any friends who can fit into any of the following categories, we are very lucky:

The Uplifter

The Travel Buddy

The Truth Teller

The Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun

The Unlikely Friend

I think we need all of these kinds of friends, although I would probably add a few more categories. I have friends that fit into each of these categories, and a few really good friends that fit into more than one category – super friends! But I have to say that the Unlikely Friends in my life have been the ones who have made the biggest impact. I usually call these friends my Divine Intervention friends. There is something very humbling and beautiful about finding a connection with someone you wouldn’t normally gravitate to. These are the friends that I learn the most from. Most of them have come into my life when I had no idea that I needed them, and often in complete disguise. I feel very blessed for these friends, some of whom I am still very, very close to.

This “five friends” idea goes along with a blog post that I wrote several months ago, but never posted, about some friendship theories I have. It was pretty much a long, overly complex analysis of friendship, but I still may get around to posting it because I think the often unspoken subtleties of friendship are worth public discussion, even though it can be awkward. Anyhow…check out Steph’s post (it’s short) when you get a chance.

A couple of my friends have done a “100 things about me” list. I tried not to do it, yet here I am…posting my own list. But I’ve decided to mix it up a bit– I’m going to list one thing about myself that isn’t true and I’ll gift the first person who guesses it an iTunes gift card. Here goes:

1. I would go out for brunch every day if I could.
2. Jed likes to tease me when I’m mad…I’m always having to tell him that I’m serious
3. I hate to sweat unless I’m working out.
4. I love yoga and used to be pretty dang good at it.
5. I love getting the mail! Jed has learned to stay away from the mailbox.
6. I had an old ex show up at my house when he got home from his mission, after I was already married.
7. Sometimes when I want something sweet to eat I’ll bake a cake and then end up replacing meals with cake until it’s gone (or eat it until I’m sick of it then I take it to my friend Amy). I mentioned this to my sister-in-law a couple months ago and she looked at me like I’d just announced I’d taken up smoking. I don’t think it’s that bizaar!
8. I’ve broken my clavicle twice.
9. Two major pet peeves: walking around in wet socks and hair on bar soap.
10. I’ve recently come to terms with liking romantic movies and novels, something I’ve suppressed since high school.
11. I’m an HG (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) survivor.
12. Mini Cadbury eggs….yuuuum!
13. I despise singing in church.
14. I’m fascinated with and terrified of sharks…I have nightmares about them
15. I used to have pretty gory nightmares, which is odd because I don’t watch gory movies.
16. I hate suspenseful movies. I always have to cover my ears or my eyes, and Jed think it’s funny.
17. I love the mountains!
18. I love, love to read!
19. I love watching sports, but I don’t usually like to watch them by myself.
20. My ideal summer day is laying by a pool or on a beach sipping a pina colada!
21. When I was younger I wanted to be a nurse, a teacher, or a pediatrician and then later, a criminal psychologist.
22. I am married to coolest computer geek! He’s my best friend! I love him, I love him!
23. Jed is one of the funniest people I know!
24. I love Zoe!
25. But I don’t love shopping with Zoe…yet!
26. I love Chris Cornell’s voice.
27. I used to want to sky-dive and do other extreme sports, but I’ve turned into a complete pansy. Although I used to do a little boxing, but I wasn’t really boxing in a ring- er, fighting.
28. I like to eat.
29. I love the smell of clean laundry (Tide and Bounce).
30. I love to dance.
31. Death to all scorpions…what good do they do anyway!
32. I used to write in a journal every day and I would put everything in it. I actually put in the gum I was chewing when I was first French kissed. I know…ew!
33. I made two major decisions in my past that I really wish I could go back and change….okay, three.
34. I had breast reduction and it’s best decision I’ve ever made!
35. I cannot stand Paris Hilton or Fergie.
36. I tend to like moody music.
37. I dream of owning my own business.
38. I’ve gotten into modern Celtic music the last few years. I had a ticket to a Loreena McKinnett concert last weekend, but couldn’t find a baby-sitter, so I didn’t go.
39. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
40. Everything is better with a little vanilla ice cream!
41. I like dense desserts.
42. I love jalapeno chips!
43. I lived in Utah and Colorado for half of my life, but have never been snow skiing.
44. I’m not a pet person. Well, except for this cute little $1000 puppy I found in a pet store on my last trip to Utah. Jed wouldn’t let me bring it home and said, “I want my wife back”. Probably a good idea since Zoe would have squished it, and since my track record has proven that I can’t keep anything (plants, lizards, fish, etc.) alive but Zoe.
45. I can get somewhat passive aggressive sometimes. Mostly when people annoy me.
46. Pride and Prejudice, the long A&E version, is my favorite movie! I have it memorized.
47. My two favorite sayings: 1. “If you think you are too small to be effective, then you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” 2.”So often we seek a change in our condition when what we really need is a change in our attitude.” both anonymous
48. I’m really good at collecting scrap booking stuff. I’ve just decided that I’m going to get rid of it since it’s not really something I have time or the inclination to do very often. But there are some really cute supplies out there!
49. The only college I got accepted to was BYU, but I got accepted to both of the grad schools I applied too!
50. I want to get a masters degree in Counseling or Criminology.
51. I want to learn two more languages before I die– Spanish and French. Although I once dated a guy who spoke Italian, whew…that is once sexy language!
52. I’m best friends with my little sister. I wish we could’ve been twins!
53. I like at least a little bit of every kind of music. Except Sufjan Stevens. Uck.
54. I love to sing!!!
55. I think the US should adopt the tradition of daily siestas!
56. I’m determined to attend an event within this next year that requires me to wear a formal dress.
57. I love swimming, but I’m afraid of large bodies of water or water I can’t see through…so pretty much everything but a small pool.
58. I’ve probably quadrupled what I’m willing to eat since I met Jed. Now I’ll try almost anything once– except balut, which of course Jed likes.
59. I like to plan and make lists. I’m very much a list person. I think it drives Jed nuts sometimes.
60. I talk a lot and am willing to talk about almost anything, but I’m intensely personal about what I’m willing to write down. Which I think has contributed to my lack of journaling the last few years.
61. If everyone had a mother-in-law like mine, this world would be a much better place.
62. I love ginger!
63. I tend to be a jack of all, master of none…which bothers me.
64. Family reunions stress me out!
65. A good pair of stilettos are worth their weight in gold!
66. The lack of a personal chef will likely decrease my lifespan by a good 10 years.
67. I’m a totally different person when I don’t get enough sleep.
68. I’m super critical of myself– more than I should be.
69. I dream of writing a book.
70. I want to write a song and record it before I die.
71. Jed has a “virtual fling” with Laura, the female dj on Boston’s classical radio station, so now I’m on the hunt for my own little virtual fling…any ideas?
72. I love black. I have to make a conscious effort to add color to my wardrobe, house, etc.
73. I wish I were a celebrity so I could be on Dancing With the Stars.
74. I wish I were more politically aware, but politics puts me in a bad mood. I’m working on that though….
75. I ran a 5k a few years ago– a massive accomplishment considering how much I hate to run.
76. I consider myself a Mac person, but PCs don’t really bother me. If the computer does what I want, I’m a happy girl.
77. I’m not that patient of a person, just ask Jed.
78. I don’t mind watching Elmo’s World with Zoe…I thinks it’s kind of funny.
79. I think convicted sex offenders should be locked up for life. One strike, you’re out!
80. Thank heaven for Spell check!
81. I’ll only eat a hamburger if I can put fries on it.
82. I think sugary candies like Skittles and licorice are a complete waste of calories.
83. I’m paranoid of someone breaking into my house. When Jed is out of town I put things in front of the doors and sleep with my phone in my hand and scissors next to the bed. I actually have well thought out plans of what I would do in different situations.
84. I had my mission papers filled out and ready to turn in when I met Jed. But he said he wouldn’t wait for me…punk!
85. I’d really like to travel to Ireland.
86. I’ve never been to D.C. or New York and I live on the east coast! Pathetic!
87. I feel bad for my parents. All the girls in my family (there are three of us) have been a pain to raise. For some reason my brothers have been much, much easier.
88. The thought of going on a cruise makes it hard for me to breath.
89. I absolutely believe in quality over quantity when it comes to friends.
90. Random fact: my one year old daughter’s feet are half the length of mine.
91. I love driving in my car by myself, and now with Zoe, and singing at the top of my lungs. I’m one of those people you laugh at when you’re stopped next to them at a traffic light. Sometimes I do that with my girlfriends– when we are in the same state.
92. I want to go on a road trip, sans Zoe.
93. I’m picky about pens. I only like to write with certain kinds. Write Bros, medium ball point pens are my favorite at present.
94. When I get a really good book I usually lock myself in that bathroom and soak in the tub until I finish it.
95. I think I have commitment issues.
96. I hate being around “stuffy” people.
97. I don’t like doing my hair. I need my own stylist.
98. Jed gets annoyed when I talk during movies (I swear I have hearing problems, sometimes I have a hard time hearing people if I can’t see their lips). I get annoyed with Jed when he talks while I’m trying to listen to music.
99. General Conference weekends are my favorite of the year!
100. I don’t believe in supernatural things. I think there is good and evil, and crazy freakish people.

You know the scene in Sweet Home Alabama when Reese Witherspoon goes back to her hometown and she goes to a bar where she runs into an old friend who, amidst all of the hicks shooting pool and shots, is holding a baby? Reese says hello, I haven’t seen you in so long, blah, blah, blah and then says,

“You have a baby…in a bar!”

That scene played over and over in my head this evening as I sat at a bar…with my baby.

Tonight we ordered Indian food for dinner. Zoe and I stopped at the restaurant to pick it up on our way to get Jed from work, but when we got there our order wasn’t ready so we had to hang out for bit. The place was completely empty so it was me and Zoe, and like five Indian guys who were all pretending to very busy. After a few minutes of wrestling with Zoe the host decided to seat us… at the bar. So I sat there, staring at a slew of alcohol thinking about how fate would have me sitting at a bar, with my baby.

Of course, it being Maynard, MA, I didn’t run into anyone I know to share the hilarity of it with me, so I’m sharing it with you.

Today the Mom’s Group I’m in went to the Boston’s Children Museum. Zoe and I have never been before so I figured we better go before we move. I planned on driving my car to the museum so we could leave as soon as Zoe had had enough, but when I met up with my friends there was room for us in one of their cars, so we rode with them. When we got to the museum at 10:30 the admissions line was all of the way out of the front door and around the building. Come to find out, the museum just reopened after some renovation and additions, and, this is the killer, it is spring break for all of the school age kids in the area.

I am a Mormon and lived in Utah for half of my life, but I have never, ever seen so many children in one place at a time. I am quite sure that every child within an hour and half radius of the museum was there. Just imagine the number of mothers, fathers and strollers that involves! It was chaos, and I am not exaggerating. If there would have been a fire the future of Boston would have been wiped out. It seemed like hundreds of children were galloping around aimlessly, running into anything that got in there way– which was everything. Parents were shouting at their kids and occasionally at each other. Children were yelling and screaming. It was three floor of chaos!

There was not a single place in that museum that was even remotely quiet– believe me, I tried and tried to find one. It was so loud! At one point I was pushing my stroller through the crowds in one of the big halls and I didn’t hear Zoe crying! Poor thing had been screaming for who know how long (probably for the same reason I wanted to scream) and I couldn’t even hear her! If you are a mother you know that you can pretty much hear your own child crying anywhere– even if they are on the other side of a mountain. That should give you an idea of how loud it was. I’m telling you, the place was nuts! It was like being on the front row at a concert where hundreds of children, and a handful of parents, were each given a microphone and were screaming into them…for hours.

So after an hour at the museum, I was ready to get the heck out of there, but the friend we drove with wanted to stay! I think we finally got out around 2:30-3:00p. When we got back to my car and I was driving home, I turned on the radio and it was like listening to music with earplugs in, AND, Zoe put her fingers in her ears and started moaning! We rode home in silence after that. So along with serious anxiety and moments of complete fury, my hearing is impaired. My ears still hurt.

Good grief, it was horrible. Anyone who knows me very well knows this was a nightmare for me. I expressed this several times to my friends, but nobody else seemed as stressed out about it as I was. I’m guessing I will have fewer kids than they will.

I am traumatized.

The Dr. Phil Show that I posted about last week on the Allison Quets case and Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) aired today. I was almost as emotional watching the show as I was during the taping. It was good. Although I have to say that I’m a bit disappointed about how much was cut from the taping. Yes, they have time restraints and the main story was about Allison’s case, but Meagan, the woman who allowed video cams in her home to get footage of what HG is like, and her husband went through a lot to get there. Her story was pretty much cut out. Some other HG women sent in footage as well, but that wasn’t aired either. So this is what I remember from the taping that wasn’t aired (please correct me if I remember wrong):

- Allison’s weight before her pregnancy was something like 130 or 140 lbs and after the delivery of her twins it was 108 lbs-pretty significant.

- Allison’s lawyer and sister spoke a bit more and said the following:

• When Allison was in Canada she could have given the twins to U.S. authorities and stayed there to avoid being taken into custody, but she chose to cross the border and turn herself in with the twins so she could be in the U.S. to fight for them. A big reason why she should be given bail and not retained due to being a flight risk.

• John (the ex-boyfriend who introduced her to the Needhams and took her to the lawyer) was having conversations with the lawyer and the Needhams (the people now in custody of the children) about the adoption behind Allison’s back. When asked about it during her interview, she said there were conversation she was not a part of. Alluding to the idea that perhaps the coercion to put her children up for was adoption coming from both sides and she was indeed taken advantage of.

- Meagan’s stories: For example, her husband’s cancer and their decision to have more kids, and when she was taken to the psych ward at a hospital during a trip to the E.R. for dehydration. A nurse asked her what she did for a living and Meagan told her that she was an attorney. The nurse didn’t believe her and wheeled her into an empty room in the psych ward for an hour until things were sorted out.

- Some other women who had suffered and are currently suffering wrote and/or sent in video footage that was shown.

- An OB/GYN in the audience who’d suffered from HG was asked to speak briefly.

- All of the HG survivors in the audience were asked to raise their hands.

- The doctor spoke about how they are pretty sure HG has something to do with the placenta and other bits of medical info.

- The fact that HG is not a mental disorder, is not brought upon by women themselves, women w/ HG aren’t out for attention and sympathy or weak people, is a physically debilitating disease, stats, etc. were discussed further in the taping.

Even though the entire show wasn’t aired, I am extremely grateful to The Dr. Phil Show, the HER Foundation, Allison, her sister and lawyer, the doctors and the other people who contributed to the show. And the lovely ladies who gave me a lift to L.A. I am grateful to have been there and I hope that more people are aware of the disease and understand it a little better. HG is serious and the women and families who suffer from it deserve compassion, support and respect from their families, friends, and medical professionals.

On a side note…my love goes out to my sister who is on home IVs suffering with HG and taking care of her two daughers right now. I really wish I could be there to help out!

On a funny side note…since I was on the verge of tears or frantically trying to dab them away during the taping of the show, and since I don’t really want to be on national t.v., when I saw a close up of myself I figured the chances of anyone I know seeing me, other than the people I’ve told about the show, would be pretty slim. Ha, ha! Forty minutes after the show finished airing my friend Denae from St. Louis, who I haven’t seen for a year and a half or talked to in a few months, called me. She was at work and had just gotten a call from her husband, Ben, who swore he’d seen me on The Dr. Phil Show and wanted her to call me to confirm. Apparently he was just flipping through the channels and saw me. Nice timing, Ben! She said she told him it wasn’t me but called me anyway.

I’ve put off getting this post up for a long time now, even though I’ve really wanted to write it. I’ve talked about HG quite a bit to people in the past, but for some reason I’ve had a difficult time trying to get my words down the way I want to. I think that is because it is such an important and emotional topic for me. I’ve decided to just make a post and add to it when I feel like I’m ready. For now, I just want to write about my experience with the Dr. Phil Show. But first a little background.

During my pregnancy I suffered from a pregnancy related disease called Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). HG is relentless nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that leads to significant and rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration. HG can adversely affect both the mother and the unborn child. Historically women have died from it, but the use of modern medicine prevents that these days. HG is not a super common disease and the cause is not completely understood so comparatively few doctors have experience with it, or even seem to acknowledge it, and few people are aware it exists. For me, HG was life changing and the most physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually challenging experience of my life. It was also one of the most negative social experiences I’ve had. At some point I will post my experience with HG.

On to the Dr. Phil Show…

At the end of February Zoe and I went out to Utah for two weeks. Two days before we flew out, I was contacted by the HER Foundation announcing that the Dr. Phil Show was going to film a show about a the Allison Quets case and a portion of the show would spotlight a woman with HG who allowed the Dr. Phil Show to put cameras in her home in an attempt to capture footage of what HG is like. I’d heard about the show being in the works, but that’s it. Suddenly tickets were available to attend the show in L.A., which happened to take place on March 1st, two days after I arrived in Utah. My sister, an HG survivor, hooked me up with another HG survivor, Tina, who she’d interacted with on the HER Foundation forums. I really wanted to attend the taping and was able to arrange with Tina to drive down to L.A. with her and two other HG survivors from Utah.

So Zoe and I flew to Utah on a Tuesday and the next morning I was picked up by three girls I’d never met before, Tina, Angela, and Rebecca. From the minute I got into the car I felt completely comfortable with all three of them. On the drive to L.A. each of us told our HG story. Although we each had our own unique story, the relief I felt hearing their experiences and having other people I could completely relate to was enormous. It was validating and comforting to be around women who all knew exactly how it felt to have HG and deal with disbelieving doctors, friends, family, and co-workers. The entire trip was very therapeutic.

So anyhow, our drive down to L.A. lasted most of the day. When we got there we checked into our rooms and ran out to get some necessities and dinner. The next morning we went to the taping of the show (which airs April 12th). Tina has posted a detailed description of the Dr. Phil Show taping on her blog so I’m going to refer to that for now rather than get into many of the details. I will post my take on the show after it has aired. Anyhow, after the show we went out to lunch with all of the HG girls.

Tina, me, Angela and Rebecca at lunch after the show

Okay…I’m going to bed and will finish this later…

Zoe and I just finished our afternoon snack. Zoe had her favorite food for her snack- grapes. As I sat next to her dipping my stack of graham crackers in milk I started thinking about what I’ve eaten today, and it’s pretty dang disgusting. Here’s the breakdown:

1 package of Hostess crumb donuts
1 small glass of whole milk
a half a banana
a bunch of tater tots
a hot dog (minus the bun)
graham crackers and milk

Not to mention that I’ve been tossing down a hand full of fruit snacks every time I walk past them in the kitchen as I go down to the basement to change the laundry…and we have a lot of laundry today. I don’t normally keep all that junk food around my house but I bought the fruit snacks for Zoe the other day when I wanted to give her enough sugar to get her home without falling asleep in the car. I got the donuts at a gas station this morning when I ran to get gas and a gallon of milk for Zoe before Jed went to work. So anyway, today I’ve eaten like a 13 year old whose parents are never around. Let me clarify that Zoe has not had the same diet today. Well, aside from milk and some tater tots. She’s had wheat toast, grapes, peas, and prune juice (hmmm…she needs some protein in there doesn’t she?). Don’t ask me why I’ve eaten horribly today. Yesterday was much better. I had hot cereal, a turkey sandwich, fish and veggies. Oh, and some cookies. I could blame this on motherhood, but now that I think about, chocolate milk and powered donuts were a staple for me back when I was working.

Anyhow, maybe I should think about what I’m eating more often. But then I get obsessed and turn into a crazy food freak. I do much better not thinking about it. Still, I feel all gross just thinking about what I’ve eaten today.